For those of us who have experienced losing a beloved pet, we know the grief is real and deep. The emotions of going through pet loss are personal and everyone grieves in their own method and speed.
One thing that helped me was to talk with other people who had also experienced the loss of a beloved pet. They listened to me, shared my grief, and shared some of their own insights based on their personal experience. I think these select few people were what helped me grieve my loss, and to move on to being able to savor the memories.
Talking about fond memories of my dog still helps me “Keep the Joy Your Pet Gave You Alive”, as Dr. Holly suggested. Let me tell you about my dog, Lucky.
Lucky
Lucky was a black lab mix that we adopted at our local shelter when he was 6 years old. At first I wasn’t sold on the idea of a dog, but my son was very persistent. After many visits to the shelter, many talks with pet “people”, and many family discussions, we decided a dog would be a good addition for our family. Lucky brought a new type of love to our family. He adored everyone in our family, but particularly liked to follow me around. He also was like a personal trainer-he motivated me to go on our daily walk…even on days when I thought I was too tired. Other than our walks, one of my fondest memories of Lucky was how he was ALWAYS in the middle of the party whenever one of my children had friends over…like a chaperone! To Lucky, a sleepover was a little piece of heaven right here on earth. We were lucky to have Lucky.
One morning, we were totally caught off-guard, had no idea of the cancer rapidly growing inside him. The night before, he nosed me and insisted that we go for walk. Tail wagging, he lead me on our normal route sniffing and happy. Never in my wildest dream would I have thought the next day his veterinarian would be telling me cancer had taken over his lungs and was shutting down his central nervous system. Never would I have thought he’d be crossing the Rainbow Bridge the next morning.
As Lucky lay in the veterinarian’s office, unable to stand and struggling to breathe, we had a decision to make. If he would survive long enough, we could try a treatment to extend his life…maybe a few months at most. As much as I loved him, we decided that we did not want to have our Lucky dog, who had always been strong and active, to lay immobile and struggle for every breath. What was right in our family was to let him pass peacefully. I truly feel that Lucky understood and was ok with us helping him to die with dignity. He passed in my arms that day at the age of 12 ½.
Like I said, that decision was right for our family. It may have been the wrong decision in other families. I hope if you question a decision you made in regard to your pet’s health, that you accept it as OK. Pet loss is difficult, but I firmly believe our pets know we make decisions with love.
If you are dealing with the loss of a pet or an imminent loss, I hope you’ll connect with a supportive friend. There is a group of us here at Drs. Foster and Smith who have shared our personal experiences of pet loss. We welcome you to connect with us by leaving a comment sharing your insight, fond memories or questions. Let’s “Keep That Joy Our Pet Gave Us Alive.”
Other resources that you might find helpful in dealing with pet loss:
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
When I lost Otto, our Golden Retriever, it was like losing a child. But I wouldn’t trade the time we had with him for anything. The joy he brought to our family is priceless. It’s sad when they must leave us, but the memories are sweet.
One of the saddest days of my life was the day I had to take my sheltie, Jasper in to be put to sleep. What a hard decision to make. There are some criteria that helps us to know the right time. Most importantly, is your pet suffering? My answer to that was, “yes”. I didn’t want Jasper to leave me but I knew allowing him to suffer was not the loving choice. I feel you made the right decision about Lucky. Jasper & Lucky are at the rainbow bridge and that thought gives me comfort.
Many of my friends don’t get why I am so bummed. I know a few people who were in the same circumstance at one point in their life. They’ve been pretty helpful. I’m wondering what other peoples thoughts are on getting another dog. I really miss mine but it’s only been a few weeks. Any opinions or experience with how long to wait?
Thank you all for sharing your story.
Terry, I couldn’t agree more that what pets add to our family is absolutely priceless. Which brings me to Chris’ question: how long to wait. Personally, I adopted a new pet fairly quick. We knew we wanted another dog, and we had to time it right to be able to make the transition as easy as possible for the new pet. My children were home during the day that summer, so I wanted to adopt while the new dog would seldom be alone in the house. Our family was able to still miss Lucky, but welcome Kobe with open arms. I’m sure we’ll be hearing from other people who waited a long time, if ever before getting another pet.
Bonnie, thank you for your words “loving choice” – so difficult but definitely loving. I can see Jasper was a very loved and “lucky” dog.
In December I had to make the most difficult decision of my life: to put my 12 year old Kuvasz to rest. She was such a sweet soul and I never realized how difficult it would be to let her go. I miss her every day. We did adopt another Kuvasz in January and while she will never replace Leanyka, she fills my life with love and laughter. I’m so incredibly happy to have her in my life. I believe she’s an angel sent to me by my sweet Leanyka, who wanted to be sure that I would continue to be loved and guarded.
Ariana,
I’m so sorry for your loss. That loving decision is the hardest thing to do, and I’m sure the Leanyka felt your love for her. How wonderful that you have a sweet new pet in your life. Like you said, there’s no replacing our pet who crossed over the rainbow bridge, but we can always welcome new joy into our life. Thanks for sharing.
I loss my best friend of 16 years yesterday, due to seizures that the doctor believes was attributed to a brain tumor. I have been crying since yesterday. Im not married and Cordy was my life. I made the decision to have her put to sleep due to an episode of 5 seizures in 6 hours. The doctor gave her 2 shots to help stop the seizures, but the next day, she should have been back to normal, and was not. she couldnt walk, couldnt see, could barely keep her head up and i made that decision. Everyone tells me it was the right thing to do for Cordy. I have so much greif and guilt associated with this decision. Wondering if she could have bounced back with more time. My mom, tells me no, that it was the tumor and she looked like she may have had a stroke too. I feel like ive made a multitude of bad decisions, starting with the shots they gave her to try to stop the seizures. she just never came out of the stage they put her in. I cant seem to be at peace that this was the right thing to do. I miss my baby so much.
Katie, my heart aches for your loss. After 16 years of having Cordy in your life, I can only imagine there must be a big empty hole in your life right now. Please, please don’t feel guilty about your decision. It’s a living nightmare to have to make such a decision, but you made a very loving decision. It sounds as if it was the only realistic decision.
I talked to Barb S., one of our Vet Technicians here at Drs. Foster & Smith, and this is what she had to say about Cordy’s situation: “Remember that although seizures can be difficult to witness, pets do not seem to be in pain when they are going through them, although they may vocalize and lose control of bladder or bowels.” Barb also recommends this pet loss article and http://www.petloss.com, which is a great site to leave a tribute to your pet and is a good way to start the healing process for you.
When I had to make that decision, I kept thinking that he had the right to die with dignity. You let Cordy die with dignity when the time had come for him to go. I cried for days too – and was thankful for my parents who listened to me! Sounds like you’re very lucky to have a mom helping you through this tough, tough time. It’s obvious that Cordy lived a very love-filled life with you. I believe he is at peace, and I’m sending you many positive thoughts to help you get through your loss. Cordy will forever be in your heart. You have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for sharing your grief – through our stories, we may help other people know that they’re not alone in feeling so lonely and miserable after such a loss.
Having had more experience with losing pets than I care to think about, I have come up with two simple philosophies. One- If you love them, when they are ready to go, you let them, even if it seems impossible for you to. Two- A new pet NEVER “replaces” them. They just succeed them, and create their own place in your life.
In the last seven years, I have made the painful decisions to euthanize a 15 year old dog, an 18 year old cat, a 16 year old cat, and a cat that was only 8, but had severe health problems. I am how faced with making a decision soon about my 17 year old cat. He is hyperthyroid, has epilespy, and is starting to look very frail. I am taking him in for his bloodwork next month, so we will have some idea of how bad he is. If the results are very bad, Sandy will be allowed to go to Kitty Cat Heaven, and I will cry and miss him terribly. But I will survive, and life will go on.
Rosemary,
You’ve gone through a lot of losses – you have my sympathy on having to make so many tough decisions. It is obvious that you realize that the joy that pets bring to our life is well worth it. I’m sorry you are in a tough situation with Sandy. She’s lucky to have you to take such good care of her. I admire your attitude. Thank you for sharing your story.
Ellen- Thank you for writing this. You’re right by saying that your decision was right for your family and everyone needs to make the decision that’s right for them and their pet. Often, people try to give advice and tell you what to do but only you can make the decision. I know how you feel because at the end of the August, will be 2 years since we had to say good bye and let our precious Cinder go. It still hurts. Sigh.
@Katie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Ellen is right that we all grieve differently. I do have to say that we felt the same as you, could we have done something else? Could we have done something else to buy more time? After we put our Cinder to sleep 2 years ago, we were so lost. What you’re feeling is so normal. There will be a lot of crying and will be for some time. The important thing to remember is to take care of yourself at the same time you’re allowing yourself to grieve. I do hope the best for you and maybe one day you’ll be able to open your home to another dog. All the best.
Sandy was euthanized yesterday, and has gone to Kitty Cat Heaven. I miss him, but it was time to let him go. I’m sure he has already met up with his littermates, and all the other cats he knew and loved while he graced our house.
Rosemary, I’m so sorry for your loss. Like I said before, I admire your positive attitude. I’m sure Sandy appreciated your loving decision to let her go. 17 years is a long time to have a pet, I will keep you in my thoughts as you go through this tough time.